Post by Warpig on Jan 6, 2023 15:31:57 GMT -5
Welp EGE faithful, it's time to review the shit sliding down the pop culture pipe, ready to be shit out onto Movie Screens, TVs, and Mobile Devices worldwide! But hidden like so many peanuts are a couple that might actually be slightly digestible.
Here's the list of some major ones and my general feeling about it:
John Wick: Chapter 4 (Ugh, seriously? How many times can this guy fail to die? I might check it out on TV, it's basically WWE)
Transformers: Rise of the Beasts (I saw exactly ONE of these, and ONE was already too many)
Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania (Super Hero movies need to die now. The insane power level of this character means that it's simply impossible for him NOT to be a megalomaniacal psychopath and still be a slightly believable film.)
Mission Impossible 7: Dead Reckoning (This features Saint Cruise, of whom we will never speak ill of. Long shall he live among us.)
Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (Soulless attempt at memberberries for the D&D set. No thanks)
The Super Mario Bros Movie ("Didn't we do this already?" _ All of Hollywood, 2023)
Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (Please make it stop. Please. Hasn't Indy been raped enough by now?)
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (These are getting thinner and thinner. Thanos is dead. Move on.)
Scream 6 (Friday the 13th you ain't)
Shazam 2: Fury of the Gods (Shazam was kind of a cute surprise. 4 years ago.)
Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (Spiderman : The Diversity Hire)
The Little Mermaid (If you can judge a movie by the distance between the lead actress' eyes, then folks, we have a WINNER!)
Oppenheimer (And the rewriting of history keeps right on trucking. 'Until the UN defeated the Nazis riding on dinosaurs' BUT it DOES have Cillian Murphy so....eh, maybe on that basis alone)
Barbie (Xanadu II, without Olivia)
Creed lll (It's a boxing movie. Like boxing movies? You'll like this one)
Magic Mike's Last Dance (And somehow we can't get 'Dredd 2')
Elemental (Pixar used to be absolute gold. Money in the bank. Rock solid hit factory. Used to be.)
Shotgun Wedding ("Amazon Original" + Jennifer Lopez. Aaaand we're done.)
M3GAN (James Wan is not 100% the modern Carpenter, but wow is he close. The most reliable filmmaker in Hollywood? Maybe)
The Fabelmans (Boomer attempts to justify his existence. No thanks)
Knights of the Zodiac (Another entry in the Clone Wars. No, I don't mean Star Wars)
Cocaine Bear (To my great shame, I actually want to see this. GREAT title)
Champions (As soon as I heard a basketball whistle, I stopped.)
Knock At The Cabin (The ever-frustrating MNS kicks out another one. Dumb premise. Bautista's public persona is grating.)
Missing (Internet sleuthing. Could be interesting. Didn't make me want to vomit, so that's a plus)
Inside (Yes to Willem Dafoe. Next)
Plane (Don't the last three entries here look like a movie title? "Missing Inside Plane". Anyway, run of the mill Gerard Butler film, the poor man's Liam Neeson)
The Old Way (Nicholas Cage is always worth a look. Cage + Old West + Revenge = Maybe)
Asterix and Obelix The Middle Kingdom (Kid's movie)
Operation Fortune: Ruse de Guerre ('Jesus Christ, it's Jason Statham!'. Is JS the Direct-to-Video of modern action stars?)
House Party (Eh, how bad can it be?)
A Man Called Otto (Tom Hanks, how are you not in prison? He has definitely gone to the "Will Smith School of Alienating your Fans")
The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes (THG w/o J-Law? You know, she IS the world's first female action star? She's AMAZING!)
The Three Musketeers: D' Artagnan (Hard to watch historical epics about European glory when they're such shitholes now, overrun with immigrant scum and socialists)
Alice, Darling (LifeTime Presents......crap)
Chevalier (Did you know that sword fighting was actually invented by Africans? Brought to you by the same people who did the new biopic of Bob Newhart with Jamie Foxx as Bob.)
So that's it gang! A lot of shit with a couple of peanuts! HAPPY 2023!!!
Here's the list of some major ones and my general feeling about it:
John Wick: Chapter 4 (Ugh, seriously? How many times can this guy fail to die? I might check it out on TV, it's basically WWE)
Transformers: Rise of the Beasts (I saw exactly ONE of these, and ONE was already too many)
Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania (Super Hero movies need to die now. The insane power level of this character means that it's simply impossible for him NOT to be a megalomaniacal psychopath and still be a slightly believable film.)
Mission Impossible 7: Dead Reckoning (This features Saint Cruise, of whom we will never speak ill of. Long shall he live among us.)
Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (Soulless attempt at memberberries for the D&D set. No thanks)
The Super Mario Bros Movie ("Didn't we do this already?" _ All of Hollywood, 2023)
Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (Please make it stop. Please. Hasn't Indy been raped enough by now?)
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (These are getting thinner and thinner. Thanos is dead. Move on.)
Scream 6 (Friday the 13th you ain't)
Shazam 2: Fury of the Gods (Shazam was kind of a cute surprise. 4 years ago.)
Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (Spiderman : The Diversity Hire)
The Little Mermaid (If you can judge a movie by the distance between the lead actress' eyes, then folks, we have a WINNER!)
Oppenheimer (And the rewriting of history keeps right on trucking. 'Until the UN defeated the Nazis riding on dinosaurs' BUT it DOES have Cillian Murphy so....eh, maybe on that basis alone)
Barbie (Xanadu II, without Olivia)
Creed lll (It's a boxing movie. Like boxing movies? You'll like this one)
Magic Mike's Last Dance (And somehow we can't get 'Dredd 2')
Elemental (Pixar used to be absolute gold. Money in the bank. Rock solid hit factory. Used to be.)
Shotgun Wedding ("Amazon Original" + Jennifer Lopez. Aaaand we're done.)
M3GAN (James Wan is not 100% the modern Carpenter, but wow is he close. The most reliable filmmaker in Hollywood? Maybe)
The Fabelmans (Boomer attempts to justify his existence. No thanks)
Knights of the Zodiac (Another entry in the Clone Wars. No, I don't mean Star Wars)
Cocaine Bear (To my great shame, I actually want to see this. GREAT title)
Champions (As soon as I heard a basketball whistle, I stopped.)
Knock At The Cabin (The ever-frustrating MNS kicks out another one. Dumb premise. Bautista's public persona is grating.)
Missing (Internet sleuthing. Could be interesting. Didn't make me want to vomit, so that's a plus)
Inside (Yes to Willem Dafoe. Next)
Plane (Don't the last three entries here look like a movie title? "Missing Inside Plane". Anyway, run of the mill Gerard Butler film, the poor man's Liam Neeson)
The Old Way (Nicholas Cage is always worth a look. Cage + Old West + Revenge = Maybe)
Asterix and Obelix The Middle Kingdom (Kid's movie)
Operation Fortune: Ruse de Guerre ('Jesus Christ, it's Jason Statham!'. Is JS the Direct-to-Video of modern action stars?)
House Party (Eh, how bad can it be?)
A Man Called Otto (Tom Hanks, how are you not in prison? He has definitely gone to the "Will Smith School of Alienating your Fans")
The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes (THG w/o J-Law? You know, she IS the world's first female action star? She's AMAZING!)
The Three Musketeers: D' Artagnan (Hard to watch historical epics about European glory when they're such shitholes now, overrun with immigrant scum and socialists)
Alice, Darling (LifeTime Presents......crap)
Chevalier (Did you know that sword fighting was actually invented by Africans? Brought to you by the same people who did the new biopic of Bob Newhart with Jamie Foxx as Bob.)
So that's it gang! A lot of shit with a couple of peanuts! HAPPY 2023!!!
